Question

improve the following sentences

1. In 2005, only 5% of visitors gave excellent impression of the service.
2. 45% of guests were in favour of satisfactory services in the hotel.
3. Satisfactory impression was given by 45% of hotel guests.
4. In 2005, negligible 5% of people surveyed thought the service was excellent, while the figure for good was relatively larger, being 14%.
5. In conclusion, the hotel performance showed marked progress between 2005 and 2010.

Answer 1

1. In 2005, only 5% of visitors gave excellent impression of the service.
-> I think he/she should use “the” before “visitors”, and I wonder that in this sentence use “gave” with “excellent impression” is suitable or not.
The sentence I write down: In 2015, only 5% of the visitors thought that the service was excellent.
Or: In 2015, only 5% of the visitors were impressed that the service was excellent.
2. 45% of guests were in favour of satisfactory services in the hotel.
-> 45% of the guests were in favour of the service was satisfactory.
-> Or: 45% of the guests were in favour of the satisfacory customer service in the hotel.
3. Satisfactory impression was given by 45% of hotel guests.
-> The satisfactory impression was felt by 45% of the hotel guests.
4. In 2005, negligible 5% of people surveyed thought the service was excellent, while the figure for good was relatively larger, being 14%.
-> “negligible” is not used in this sentence, I think it is not fit to and “people surveyed thought” lack of relative clause, and “being 14%”, I think it is better for using accounted for 14%.
-> In 2005, only 5% of people in the survey thought the service was excellent while the figure for good was relatively larger, accounted for 14%.
5.In conclusion, the hotel performance showed marked progress between 2005 and 2010.
-> I think use “the hotel performance” is not suitable for this writing because this is the result of the visitors in the survey is not the hotel performance and not use “between 2005 and 2010” because the data is in 2 different years.
-> In conclusion, the feedback from one hundred visitors in the hotel survey showed the marked progress in 2005 and 2010.
Nguồn: https://ielts-simon.com/ielts-help-and-english-pr/2016/07/ielts-grammar-correct-the-mistakes-1.html